Present: Her aura was off today, he thought. Generally she had a
certain dark pigment surrounding her. But, for some unknown reason, today it
was different.
Before: She was hunting in the abandoned science labs
from before the regeneration of the Earth. She had her spear at the ready,
waiting for any animal to come by. She wanted to bring an offering for the
spirit at the meeting today. The spirit had always been good to the people, and
even better to those who provide for the village. You had to stand out for the
spirit to notice you, you had to help everyone survive. Just then she saw a
light coming from the other side of the room. It was in a beaker on the old
rusted lab table. When she had last hunted here it wasn’t there, so it must be
a new invention. On the beaker it said CAUTION
TOXIC. But she didn’t care. She looked
at it with a wonder in her eyes. This could be my chance, she thought, my
chance to appease the spirit. Without another thought on the subject she picked
up the container and gave it a quick sniff. It smelt just fine, so she put the
beaker to her lips and began to drink. She winced at the awful flavor, but
drank the remaining liquid anyways. She felt very warm. Maybe the spirit has recognized
me, she thought. And at that thought she remembered the meeting, so she took
her spear, wiped her mouth and ran towards the colony.
Present: He saw her eyes turn green. Everyone had brown eyes in
the community. He looked at her intensely, and saw a more yellow hue to her
skin. She began festering in her chair, and he wondered if he should help her. As
he began to move towards her, he was stopped in his tracks. Her toes lifted off
of the ground and her torso was being pulled up to the sky. The community all
stared at her in awe. The chief, muttered something that I couldn’t hear and
ran towards her. He took off his crystal of leadership, and presented it before
her. He and everyone else had kneeled down in a bowing position. “She has the
Spirit,” chief said. “The enchanted glow!” He spoke in awe. Then she let out a
large shriek, and she suddenly went limp. Then her lifeless body fell to the
ground with a thud. She was gone.
What an interesting set up...I like how you bounce between present and past, how we are left wondering about the liquid in that beaker, and if the idea of the "spirit" is a valid one or just something these people tell themselves.
ReplyDeleteHi, Glenda! The ending of your story gave me chills, “Then her lifeless body fell to the ground with a thud. She was gone.” Did the girl offer herself up as a sacrifice to the Spirit? I love this idea of a community worshiping a Spirit, having the same colored eyes, and being able to “detect each other’s aura.” This could easily be the beginning of an extremely exciting novel. I also love how you set up the story with the “present” and “before” sections (Can’t you see this as the prologue to your up-and-coming novel?). It made the story flow well, and allowed for a good transition between the two different points of views.
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